sail away...

I've avoided my blog lately...
My last post was about Alex coming home Sunday.

insert sappy love part here:
[When I saw his face my entire heart stopped. I have never been so excited to see someone in my entire life. Everything about him- every single movement he made in the first 10 seconds of being home made me fall even deeper in love with him. (: I really do love that man!]

About 5 minutes after her walked through the door, he told me that he was headed to sea again... Yeah.... that gave me yet ANOTHER 2 day notice. Only this time... he'll be gone for much longer.

I was so angry. He had just got home... and he had to leave again? I had all of these plans painted inside of my head of all the wonderful things we were going to do now that he was home. And one by one, they slowly faded.

We spent the afternoon visiting the kittens in quarantine. It was the first time our whole family had been together since we were in Florida.
The rest  of that day was spent eating snacks & watching movies. It was a blast (:
Monday came around and we woke up early to run errands. Welllll, it was Presidents Day, so we barely got anything done because everywhere was closed.

I taught Alex how to make brownies & then completely failed at trying to make dinner with the few supplies that we have. But it was another relaxing night spent cuddled on the couch with movies (:

He left SUPER early Tuesday morning... and of course I cried and spent the whole day in bed (I got a migraine from crying) and a piece of me has just felt missing ever since.

The night before he left, we cut our blanket in half. One side for him, and one side for me. No matter where we are on this earth, we will always complete each other <3
When his time in the Navy is up, we are going to sew the blanket back into one piece... and try our hardest to NEVER spend a night away from one another again.
Deployment is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.
But I've discovered that as hard as it is for ME to watch him leave... It's even harder for him to have the willpower to do it. 

I love Alex with all of my heart. I truly do. And now more than ever, I really believe that everyone has a soulmate.

OMG!

Alex called me today!!!!

It was only about 30 seconds long....

BUT

he told me he's coming home!
He's been back in Hawaii...
but not able to get off the sub for a while.
But he's finally coming back to the house today!

:D

I've never been this excited for something! My heart has been racing all day... and I can't stop smiling.

I can't wait to be back in the arms of my sailor <3

blessing

This past week has been life changing.

I've never gone through something like this before. It's been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Alex and I had only been here a week... and with only a 2 day notice, he deployed.
I knew that it would happen eventually... but it came out of nowhere and when we least expected it.
Moving all the way to Hawaii was hard enough without deployment thrown at us.
We only spent one night together in our new house... and every night since, I've gone to sleep alone.

I miss him so much. Every. Single. Day.

Through all the heartache we've endured in this whole process...
I'm coming to realize that absolutely everything happens for a reason.
This has been nothing short of a blessing in disguise.

The last month in NY was a tough one. We were both under so much stress all of the time. I think that we got caught up in life and started to take one another for granted. I didn't hesitate to get angry at him... and he slowly stopped bringing me flowers. I don't know exactly what happened to me. I just know that I felt trapped in our small apartment... Alex worked over 12 hours a day...and the sun didn't even shine in our town. It was depressing.

When Alex called me and told me that he was being deployed... my whole world literally stopped. Everything around me stood still. I just couldn't believe it. I wanted to hold onto him and never let him go.

The past week I've grown so much and I've discovered so much about myself. I've learned how to be a responsible adult. I've realized how much Alex really does for me.
Most importantly, I've gained such a stronger appreciation for him.

I love him NOW more than ever.

I'm so thankful that I was able to experience this. It's strengthened me and its made me change into a better person.
I'm so ready for him to be home... so I can give him all the love that he truly deserves.
And promise him that I will never take him for granted EVER again.

Goodbye submarine.

Oh my gosh guys!
Soooo much has happened in the past few days.

Alex & I got a house!!! :D
2 story, 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, private garage, laundry room w/ washer & dryer, gated yard w/ patio & garden area & it has solar panels!!

Yeah... Dream home much?? :D

We moved in on Friday... Because on Thursday....
ALEX FOUND OUT HE WAS DEPLOYING.

when? On Saturday!!!

That gave us 2 days to prepare/move.

They wouldn't release any details about how long he would be gone... When he was coming back... Or where he was going. No answers at all.

When he left Saturday afternoon, I cried until I didn't have anymore tears. I washed my face, calmed down & took a deep breath. I know I'm going to be okay. I have everything I need to survive on my own. I just have to learn how to be a big girl.

My friend Tara came over and rescued me for the night. (: Thank goodness I have her! I had a lot of fun with her (I always do) but it didn't matter how much I was smiling or laughing... My body has this permanent feeling of heartbreak & anxiety. I miss Alex so much.... It literally hurts.

Last night was my first night alone in the house. I called my mom & of course texted bff... She's my rock.
Tara checked on me every once and a while... And believe it or not... I WAS OKAY! (:

aside from missing Alex, I am happy. I'm so in love with my house! I'm active here... The sun shines here lol and I have an amazing friend here.

This is my first deployment, guys.
So far, so good.
My husband is in a submarine in the middle of the ocean somewhere.
But I'm okay.
Just please keep me in your prayers.
<3

Aloha from Hawaii

ALOHA!

I've neglected my blog..
WHY? you ask...
well because I LIVE IN HAWAII!

Yep, I made it here nice & safely on the 2nd. Which was almost a week ago.

Things have been moving so quickly... and believe it or not, I dont sit on my butt all day like I did in New York lol

I honestly dont even know where to begin...

We stayed in Waikiki the first few nights we were here. It was AMAZING! Everything you'd imagine Hawaii to be!
We even had a limo pick us up at the airport! Perfect way to start the next chapter of my life? I think so (:
Alex let me go on a mini shopping spree for some warm weather clothes... and I ended up only spending $200. Not bad.

On Sunday, we moved to a hotel closer to base. It's not too bad... but nothing like the one in Waikiki.
The mini-mart in the hotel lobby gave me food poisoning. YIPPEE.

But on a better note, I have friends here :D Who would have thought so soon.. right?
Melissa is visiting & I've know her for a while... though never met her in person until Monday. She introduced me to Tara, who is a marine wife & has been living here for over a year now. I love them both!


The kittens made it safely to Hawaii... but I haven't seen them yet :(
Alex got to see them a few days ago & said that they look pretty happy. Each of them have their own room and a fenced in outside area that they can play in! And of course they are loving that!! :D
They get out of quarantine June 1st... SO LONG!! But it will all be worth it in the end!

Something lately.

I have so much to update about. Like the fact that I spent last weekend Canada... Or that I spent the entire week packing my life away & then driving nonstop to Florida to visit my family before I move. & really, they each deserve their entire own post.
But until I have time to write about each thing... I really need to vent about life at this VERY moment.

I apologize in advance if you don't understand this... Because honestly, neither do I.

My whole world is flipped upside-down, inside-out & backwards.
I have been in Florida since Saturday. I have no desire to see any of my friends or go out and do anything. I just simply want to be with my family.
But part of me also wants to go back to New York. To MY life... Where I was the adult... And it was MY house... MY schedule, MY territory... MY own space to grow.
Ever since I've been back here, I feel like I'm in a timewarp. Like I didn't spend the last 9 months growing up... Or even left Polk County at all really. I keep having flash backs of high school... And feeling like the same I person I was back then. It's just really weird. At some points I like it... But most of the time I don't.

I'm just so overwhelmed. I miss Alex. I miss New York. I love Florida & my family, but I miss my "home".

It's 7 in the morning... I'm wide awake... And all I want to do is cry.

My life is so weird right now.

Everything is just moving so fast. I mean, we JUST got our orders a couple of weeks ago. And its like o blinked my eyes & we're in Florida now. Before I know it, we're gonna be on the plane to Hawaii... And my life will be in full speed trying to find a house & attempting to settle down.

I NEED A PAUSE BUTTON.
It's like I'm standing still & everything around me is zipping right past me... And I have no time to soak it up.

It's just weird.

hello, empty apartment

On Thursday, our whole house was packed away.

Alex and I spend Wednesday night cleaning & organizing everything for the movers to pack.
You see, when you have a military move... you dont pack your stuff.. THEY do.
Weird huh?!
So I piled everything in the dining room and put all the kitchen stuff on the counter- basically I made their job pretty easy (:
I felt so awkward though. I just sat on the couch & watched two old guys pack my life away & load it up in their truck.

SOOO we are stuck here until Friday, surviving off of paper plates & frozen dinners.
Our furniture is being picked up on Wednesday, so we have a bed for a couple more nights.