numero dos

So I've been counting down & wishing for a time machine to move Thursday closer and closer... and uh... now that its just a few days away...

I NEED A PAUSE BUTTON!!

I think that its an understatement to say that I'm scared. I'm freaking out people!
-I'm NOT looking forward to the 2 planes its going to take to get to SC... just thinking about it makes my tummy sad.
-I'm SUPER nervous to see A again... just because I'm going to explode with emotion the second I see him waiting for me. -good emotion of course! lol
-I'm sorta anxious & nervous at the same time to spend time with his parents. I've only met them once... and not even as his girlfriend... so things are going to be a bit different this time around. (& they have NO idea that we're moving into together... YIKES!)
-I'm also have wicked bad self esteem problems lately. Like more than ever. I'm just not okay with what I see when I look at myself.

God knows the list could go on. But to top everything off... by the beginning of next month, I will be living in New York! (well, duh) I guess its still finally hitting me slowly. I think I've been keeping my eye on the prize & not taking a chance to look at whats around me. I spend most of my time daydreaming about how great my future is going to be when I'm with A... but I spend ZERO amount of time thinking about leaving my bestfriend & family behind. A always comforts me by saying,

"You have to grow up sometime." But the thing is, he's preaching to a girl that spent her entire life believing she was Peter Pan. So naturally, I'm scared to death.

"Is this what you really want?" 
-If I hear this question ONE more time,
I'm going to explode! Would I honestly be
moving across the country with someone
that I wasn't 100% absolutely sure about?
Uhmmm... NO. So yes, I'm sure about A.
I may not have a pretty, shiny, little ring
on my finger... but I'm pretty certain I will
someday. I visualize my future with A...
nothing other than that. Like to the point
where it's impossible... if I close my eyes
& attempt to visualize not being with him...
I cant see anything.

So aside from all the tears I will shed while I'm driving away... and when I catch a bad case of being "home sick",
all I have do is look at him. He is the rest of my life. & I want to enjoy every single moment of it.