Something lately.

I have so much to update about. Like the fact that I spent last weekend Canada... Or that I spent the entire week packing my life away & then driving nonstop to Florida to visit my family before I move. & really, they each deserve their entire own post.
But until I have time to write about each thing... I really need to vent about life at this VERY moment.

I apologize in advance if you don't understand this... Because honestly, neither do I.

My whole world is flipped upside-down, inside-out & backwards.
I have been in Florida since Saturday. I have no desire to see any of my friends or go out and do anything. I just simply want to be with my family.
But part of me also wants to go back to New York. To MY life... Where I was the adult... And it was MY house... MY schedule, MY territory... MY own space to grow.
Ever since I've been back here, I feel like I'm in a timewarp. Like I didn't spend the last 9 months growing up... Or even left Polk County at all really. I keep having flash backs of high school... And feeling like the same I person I was back then. It's just really weird. At some points I like it... But most of the time I don't.

I'm just so overwhelmed. I miss Alex. I miss New York. I love Florida & my family, but I miss my "home".

It's 7 in the morning... I'm wide awake... And all I want to do is cry.

My life is so weird right now.

Everything is just moving so fast. I mean, we JUST got our orders a couple of weeks ago. And its like o blinked my eyes & we're in Florida now. Before I know it, we're gonna be on the plane to Hawaii... And my life will be in full speed trying to find a house & attempting to settle down.

I NEED A PAUSE BUTTON.
It's like I'm standing still & everything around me is zipping right past me... And I have no time to soak it up.

It's just weird.

hello, empty apartment

On Thursday, our whole house was packed away.

Alex and I spend Wednesday night cleaning & organizing everything for the movers to pack.
You see, when you have a military move... you dont pack your stuff.. THEY do.
Weird huh?!
So I piled everything in the dining room and put all the kitchen stuff on the counter- basically I made their job pretty easy (:
I felt so awkward though. I just sat on the couch & watched two old guys pack my life away & load it up in their truck.

SOOO we are stuck here until Friday, surviving off of paper plates & frozen dinners.
Our furniture is being picked up on Wednesday, so we have a bed for a couple more nights.

new smile

Alex and I went & talked with housing & personal property (movers)
& all of my stress is melting away :D

The only things that we haven't gotten figured out is WHERE exactly we are going to live and everything regarding the cats. Oh & our plane tickets.
But something about talking to everyone today made me so relaxed.
I know that everything will work itself out (:

ALSO...
Today I FINALLY GOT MY PERMANENT TOOTH!! :D
The dentist thought it would be a grand idea to NOT give me Novacaine. Worst idea ever! Lets just say it was the first time that I've ever cried at the dentist... and I DID get my Novacaine eventually :P lol

My new smile & my Vicoden makes me EXTRA happy ;) lol

Aloha

So basically, Alex and I are moving to paradise!
We are driving to Florida in a couple of weeks
& then flying from Orlando to Honolulu
around the 1st of February.

I still can't believe this is my life!! (:
I feel like it's a dream and I'm waiting to wake up...
apparently dreams DO indeed come true.
<3

depression by anxiety.

So, almost EVERYONE in Alex's section have their orders... except for Alex!!!!!

He knows how BADLY I want to know where we're going. So after work, he went up to the admin office to see what the deal was. They told him that the orders come in at 3am every day and to check online then to see if his come in.

Well, he decided to share that bit of info with me... and that's where he went wrong.

The whole rest of the day I stared at the clock... waiting and waiting for it to get closer and closer to 3.
I probably have THE WORST anxiety known to man... and once something like this is on my mind... it takes a whole lot for me to forget about it.

The night rolled in... and by 11:45 I was in bed. Just laying there... staring at the ceiling... bored... anxious... nervous... still just laying there.

Countless attempts to shut my eyes were easily defeated by the adrenaline that was cooking in my veins.

There was one thing on my mind. Just ONE thing. I wanted it to be 3:00.

FINALLLLLLLLYYYYYY!!!!!!

It was here! 3 am was HERE!

Now it was just me, my computer, and my typing fingers!!

And there it was.... IT.... was nothing.

NOTHING.

just nothing.

I felt all of the happiness drain out of my being.

All the adrenaline in my blood slowly turned into a flood of tears.

I just didn't understand WHY...

Why has everyone else received their orders & we haven't?

All the anxiety that was ripped out of me turned into disappointment.

I wanted to cry, scream, run in the snow naked... anything.

But instead I just crawled my hopeless body into bed.

And that is where I spent the entire day.

Wondering WHEN we will get our oders.

I hope you guys enjoyed my "Hyperbole & a half" inspired post! There will def be more to come!

One step closer

SOOO...
When Alex came home from work today, he mentioned that a few people in his section received their orders TODAY !!
Immediately I grabbed my computer & checked... AND... nothing. seriously?

The 2 guys that got their orders are not even qualified yet!.. and Alex has been since the beginning of December. He was like #3 in class to qualify. I dont understand.
But on a good note, Alex's graduation is still set up for Friday :D So maybe after he graduates we'll get our orders!
*fiiiingers crossed!*

To be honest, I dont want to move yet... I dont want to leave my beautiful New York... I just want to know where & when we are going. Then I will be at peace.

MilSpouse Quiz

Why not join in on the fun? MilSpouse quiz (:

1. How did you and your spouse meet?
OH GOSH... I have a whole page on here dedicated to it lol But long story short, we met at a theatre conference in high school (: He lived an hour away on the west coast of Florida and I lived smack dab in the middle!

2. How old were you when you two met?
We were both 17 when we met. Although I was turning 18 in a month (:

3. How long have you been together?
We started dating 2 after we met on November 27th 2010.

4. Where are you and your spouse orgionally from?
Well, I was born in Boston, Massachusetts... but raised in Polk County, Florida from the age of 8. Alex was born in Clearwater... and always lived there. So technically both of us are from the sunshine state (:

5. How did you feel about him joining the Military?
When I found out that Alex joined the Navy, I was definitely surprised. I was a bit skeptical about dating him because I NEVER wanted to be in a military relationship.I didn't like the fact that he would be deployed & I would be missing him. It just seemed like heartache that I could avoid.

6. Where did your spouse go to Basic Training?
Great Lakes, Illinois

7. Has your spouse ever been deployed?
Not yet... and hopefully no time soon.

8. Have you ever been to his promotion ceremony?
Well, I went to his Power School graduation... which was a pretty big deal. He graduates Prototype THIS FRIDAY... but I'm not going. For many many reasons.

9. Did you marry him before or after he joined?
After.

10. How long have you been a Military Wife?
Since September 14th 2011

11. How did your husband propose?
You know... there really never was a proposal. One day we just woke up and knew that we were going to be married. That was BEFORE I moved to New York of course. So we set a date after we got here & the rest is history (:

12. Where did you get married?
Milton, New York... in a small chapel by a Navy Veteran (:

13. How old were you two when you got married?
We were 20.

14. Did he wear his uniform on your wedding day?
Nope, we just wore our every day clothes. We plan on having a special wedding ceremony AFTER his first deployment with our families. Hopefully in Hawaii :D

15. Where are you and your spouse currently stationed?
Ballston Spa, New York (But we live 30 minutes away)

16. Do you live on Base?
No, we live in an upscale town in a VERY pricey "luxury apartment". It was completely renovated before we moved in & it's gorgeous! It's right at the edge of a woodsy area & facing a new shopping mall & movie theater. Basically, perfect.

17. How long were you married when you had to go through your first seperation?
Luckily, we haven't gotten that far yet.

18. What is your favorite base so far?
Well, we've only been here lol But I hope that our next base is ever BETTER.

19. Do you think your man looks good in his uniform?
Oh my.... abso-freakin-lutely! ;)

20. Do you think military life is more advanced than civilian life?
uhmm... I guess for that fact that we get military discount? lol idk

21. Do you like the benefits you recieve as a Military dependent?
I went from having NOTHING to having at least basics. So, YES!- yes times a million!

22. Do you have a lot of military wife friends?
Not really.... the ones that matter are, Jamie & Amanda.

23. What is the hardest part of Military life?
Definitely the hours! I hate HATE hate 3rd shift. But since he's qualified now, he doesn't work nearly as many hours. 

24. Do you own any military wife thing?
Well... I dont have anything that says "Military Wife" but as far as Navy gear... I'm decked out. Anchor jewelry... Nuclear Navy hoodies & pants, scrapbooking things & home decor lol I'm a little obsessed.

25. Do you support your spouse as a member of the Military?
Absolutely! We wouldn't have the life that we have otherwise. Of course there are times that I strongly dislike being a milspouse... but at the end of the day, I'm so thankful for this opportunity.

School

So after spending the last 8 months of my life living carefree in New York, I've decided that once Alex and I move, I'm going to SCHOOL.
I graduated in 2010... so I've had more than enough time off. & since I'm blessed to have Alex, all of my schooling is FREE. There are people that would kill to be in my position, so I can't just take it for granted.
My biggest problem is finding something that I actually WANT to do. I mean, I am the most indesicive person in the world. I change my mind about even the smallest things (like what color towels I want in the bathroom).

Picking out what I want to study has narrowed down quite a bit since I'm a milspouse. I have to find a career that works with all my traveling. But I want it to be something I can do even after Alex leaves the Navy. I also want to make sure that it's somewhat enjoyable and fairly easy going (because of my Lupus). I cant do a job that consists of a lot of running around, long hours, and super stressful. And of course- I want it to be job that I can feel a little pride in doing.

*I'm really not a school person, so it doesn't have to be something glorified... I just don't want to end up in a restaurant or working retail. But, the shorter the schooling, the better lol

For the longest time, I figured that I would just go to beauty school. Perfect right? Fun, simple, easy going.... WRONG. It randomly hit me one day that I really DON'T want to deal with people. I feel like it would be stressful... and I'm not completely comfortable altering someone that I'm not close to. So that idea is basically in the trash.
Then, after all of my dentist work, I figured that maybe I'd be a dental assistant. And technically you don't even have to go to school for that. But in the end I just don't really feel like it's ME. I'd probably puke watching someone getting their teeth out ripped out of their head.

After I took a break from the long debate on what I want to do with my life... it all came together.
Alex and I went over to Amanda's today and she was telling me about her classes that she's about to start. And after thinking about it... I think I want to do the SAME thing. I mean, I don't want to be stealing her dreams lol but I REALLY think this is it...

A pharmacy technician!!

It's perfect in so many ways.
-I dont have to take the SAT's (which I've always been terrified of).
-I can do the schooling online.
-It's a fairly easygoing job.
-I wouldn't mind making a career out of it.
-I can travel and ALWAYS have somewhere to work... from stores to hospitals to even just working on base.
See, PERFECT.

So I think this it. I'd like to hear some opinions on it... so comment below or text/call me or even FB me.