the "goodbye" is setting in

This is my millionth S.O.S.

I just need to be out of here- away from this town. There is NOTHING for me here. My family life hasn't gotten any better. My mother's mental condition is just going downhill & without being treated or excepting it... makes it impossible to live with her. But thats why I got my apartment- except my roommates "do things I dont morally approve of".  Fantastic... right? I mean it's not that it's completely horrible there... I quit my job though... and so having money to survive off of is a bit difficult. Though I'm feeling pretty down right now, I know that everything is going to get better. Things have been far worse before. & it just shows how strong I am. A's wise words just replay through my head. It's because of him why I've been able to pick myself up & regain strength.

Only 22 more days until I'm in A's arms for his Power School graduation 30 days till we're off to New York.

Now I just wish that I could find a fast forward button... But there are A LOT of people that I need to say goodbye to. The hardest is going to be BFF. She's been by my side for the past 5 years... and life is going to be so weird without being around her. I love her more than words can ever describe. She came over today & we were lazy & watched Army Wives together. It was nice.
(her blog) -that sums up why I love her!

Though I'm so ready to get out of here.... some things make me realize that this is all a little bittersweet.

one of those texts.

I have such a sweet man (:

"Baby, lately I've just been falling deeper and more wildly in love with you. You REALLY are my other half and I'm so thankful every day that I have you. You're truly the single best thing that has EVER happened to me, and I just want to give you the whole world. I love you so much Sam. Good night :)"

for what its worth-

I look back at past relationships... when things were good... and when things got bad. I think about all of the times I cried my eyes out, all of the times that my heart was broken. I think about all of the times I had to let go... and learn to move on. & though when I look back, I see pain, I'm thankful for every moment. Though it hurt to love & move on... I'm glad that I made it to where I am today.
I'm so lucky that none of them worked out;

Because it brought me to the man I want to spend the rest of my ljfe with- the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

So thank you, boys... for letting me go... to find the love of my life; my other half <3

DREAM b i g.

isn't she  b e a u t i f u l ! ?

Today was GREAT one (:
I spent the entire day with Ashlyn (: We went window shopping for my perfect graduation dress... I want an all white one... and thats kind of hard to find lol
After about 2 hours of shopping, I ended up buying $340 worth of hair products (shampoo & conditioner $50, straightening creme $75, and a hot pink ceramic straightener $215) Yeah- pretty crazy huh?! WELLLL I got it ALL for $140!! wooo hooo! & I have A to thank for it! He's so wonderful to me & he "loves how girly I am" lol

But some exciting stuff... tonight's phone call went  a m a z i n g! A & me were talking he randomly said "I was talking to a buddy of mine today & I called you my girlfriend... its so weird calling you that". I felt a little weird... I mean we've been together for a long time... why is it weird to call me that? I just replied with a long "yeahhhh" & then he was like, "I mean I feel like you're so much more than that... its crazy" (: ahhhhh that time, I was smiling so big, I couldn't reply! lol It was nice though. Somehow that ended up turning into wedding talk & when A wants to get married. He said that he doesn't want to get married before he deployes... so he would do it when he's on shore duty (a LONG time from now) But he said it because he wants to be able to plan it & have it be absolutely perfect (: I think thats sweet <3 I still wouldn't mind a pretty little ring on my finger though... even if its a SUPER l o n g  engagement... the solidity of it would make me happy. (: & besides, who doesn't like saying "my fiance..." haha (:

A h e r o On The Other End.

Oh my goodness. My sailor is my h e r o.
Today didn't start out very well & somehow just continued to go downhill. Things have been all sorts of crazy lately with slowly moving out of my apartment & spending time with my family back in my hometown. (when I moved to college, I gave up my room at my parent's to my little brother- so when I visit... the couch becomes my homeland) So it's easy to say that things have just been very out of whack.
Well... the stress of the last few weeks just kept building up and today I just so happened to reach my breaking point. I know that its extremely important for A not to hear me cry while he's away- but this time, the tears were too strong to hold back. & well- once I get started... I dont stop very easily.
After listening to me for a while, A picked up all the pieces. I dont know how he does it- but he just does. He has this way of always saying exactly what I need to hear. He knows that my faith has been running low lately, but he built it right back up by reminding me that God is always with me & I have to have faith & believe that everything will be better soon- REAL soon. (: He took me from a crying mess to a giggling dork in ONE phone call. (: I really do love him.
A sends me a text message every night after we hang up. (even though we say our goodnights on the phone... he just wants to always have that something extra) this is what he sent me tonight:

"I love you sweetheart! And God does too. Things will get better & God will shelter you, so have faith in that. Have a good night Sam :) I LOVE YOUagain"

Its nights like these, when I KNOW that being with him is exactly where I'm supposed to be (:
-I have less than 40 days left in this sunshine state. & then I'll be in a car with the love of my life, traveling across the country to begin our lives together (:

Catch-Me-Up in a N u t s h e l l

WOW! I haven't been able to blog for a while. My computer charger broke & I had to order a new one from Dell. Lets just say it was a long 5 days! lol
So some things have happened in the past few days... A & I found out that we are officially being stationed in NY!!! :D Its pretty exciting! (thats where my dream apartment is) He went & looked at a car this past weekend & he's buying it next weekend. He's a happy man about that! lol
Some sad news- because I quit my job in February & not March... I dont have enough money to make it up to A's graduation. He keeps saying that he'll see what he can do to take care of it... but I dont want to always have him pay for everything. However, his graduation really means the world to me. I'm trying to figure out something but I may just give in & let him pay for it.
But thats the last few days in a nutshell. (:

Skype Night

Being silly on Skype (:

SKYPE NIGHT!! (:
You know that you're in love with someone when you can literally feel your heart beat faster every time you see their face. (: A & I got to Skype tonight... and sometimes I'm literally speechless. I dont know how looking at him & hearing his voice can make me so incredibly happy. I didn't know that it was possible for one human being to bring this much joy to my life. :D I still can't stop smiling!
We played 2 games of chinese checkers & he totally kicked my butt the first time.. but thats just because I had never played before. So we decided on a rematch & I totally smoked him! (: haha not really... I won by only ONE move! hahaha (: It was a lot of laughs. I love being able to spend time with him even though he's so far away. Thank God for SKYPE!

Late night phone calls

Last night's phone call lasted for hours (: It was so nice because we haven't really done that in a while. I asked him if he ever felt weird or nervous about the move. & we spent a good deal of time talking about that. He said that he has some friends that got married & then things didn't end up working out... and it scares him that something so good could just fall apart... but at the same time he knows that him & I are connected so strongly. He said that if he ever tried to imagine us not being together anymore... it just wasn't possible. I'm always going to be in his future (:

 I of course had some fears of my own- cooking for him & him not liking it. I know, I know... its silly... but I literally stay glued to Food Network now! haha He told me that he would eat an absolutely disgusting meal every night if he knew that I tried 100% (: haha He's so adorable! I know he says that now... but after a few nights of bad meals... I think he'll suggest eating out for dinner (:
But we bother know that we're going to grow together. Things aren't going to be perfect right away... we have ro adjust our living styles & combine them together... for each other. (:

Another Friday.

Fridays = A's "man time"
which means that he enjoys his night off spending time online talking to his guy friends back at "home"... & I curl up on the couch with some green tea & full power of the remote. (:
I know how important it is for A to have time for all of the important people in his life & I'm glad that he found a way to connect with some of his closest friends. WELL... for some reason last night... I couldn't stop IMing him on Skype during his man time. I kept apologizing & he just kept saying, "babe, its okay, I like getting messages from you". But I think he was just being nice.... because I'll admit... I was pretttttty annoying. For some reason last night, all I wanted to do was talk to him. & it was really bothering me that he was taking so much time to respond (not bearing in mind that it was MAN TIME!) I'm just not used to this whole Friday setup considering it only comes one night of the week. & this same thing happens every week... I become a little clingy, whiny, brat. (& somehow he still loves me) I'm guessing that I feel that way because I'm so used to speaking to him every other night of the week... so its weird when I dont get that.
I've decided that I need something to occupy my time on Fridays. Soooo I'll be having "ladies night" on Fridays... and not spend them annoying my "man man".
Next week, ITS ON! (:

Nest Talk.

Today when A & I were discussing things about the apartment. I explained to him that we're most likely not going to find an apartment that is already furnished. (since we're only going to be at our next location for 4-6 months, he just wanted to wait on getting our own furniture.) So I told him that if he wanted to get something furnished, then we would probably have to look into some corporate apartments. (which cost quite a bit more) & I'm guessing that he wasn't really fond of that... so he said on of my very favorite sentences that comes of his mouth:

"Well sweetheart, we'll just have to go to Ikea."

& what a giant smile those words swept across my face. Because Ikea is like the heaven of ALL home stores! (it blows Kirklands & Burlington out of the water!)

IKEA..... here I come!!! :D

We work together.

I believe that teamwork is key factor to living together. A & I have a really great way of balancing each other out & working together as a team. We think alike but we also think very differently. In some situations it can be a problem if we dont see eye to eye... but we're good at resolving things. I think that its great that him & I work together so naturally. I've definitely had my fair share of things not working out with other people... but Alex is just so different. Maybe it's because of all that Navy training! lol (: No.... he actually knows how to treat a lady! ;D lol
But anyway, I'm getting pretty excited about our move in date coming sooner & sooner. Though I've been kind of stressed about how we're going to get everything that we "NEED". I have a list saved on my computer that I've been making over the past month or so & it's just been getting longer & longer. I really think I'm going to get a part time job to help with the expenses... even though A wants me to focus on school. He's such a sweetheart :D So our TEAM PLAN: I stay home & work on my school work, keep the apartment clean, & cook for my man all while he's at work being a sexy nuke. Great plan huh (: I think so. I guess we'll just have to wait & see. I'm lovin' my teammate!

The Brave.

The 9.8 earthquake in Japan is absolutely devastating. I was actually awake watching the news when it happened... and I just kinda stared at the tv in shock. I payed extra attention to the nuclear power plant & the problems that could arise because of the tsunami. I had a feeling that our US Navy would get involved to try to help keep it under control. I'm so thankful for all our troops & all the help we can provide the rest of the world.

one of those questions.

Sometimes I get caught up in my everyday life... and forget to write about all the wonderful things going on. So for that, I apologize. (:
Well, I happened to be very sick today. I just woke up & bam!... I had to be in a dark, quiet room until my head stopped pounding & my vision was back to normal. I ended up taking a trip with Ashlyn about an hour away to drop off some spare keys... and I was sick the whole time unfortunately. BUT we got to catch up & talk about our military men! :D That's always fun!

A called me & made me feel better... idk how he made the pounding in my head go away... but thats just one of the wonderful effects that voice of his has on me! lol He asked me an important question about our future today. & that was pretty exciting! It was concerning the location of where he'd be ported & my preference of being closer to family & friends or going out & traveling. He told me to just take it in & give it some time & a lot of thought & then let him know what I think. Well, I've been giving it thought all night... and though I haven't made a clear enough decision, heres where my head is at:
I've always been the type to want to travel world. I want to explore different cultures & see the wonders of this earth. A & I are both young & we have nothing tying us down at the moment. I think that we're at a perfect point in our lives to go on adventures together. So I would honestly be delighted to travel with him! (:
The only thing that ever gets me second guessing is FAMILY. I really love my family and I count my very best friends as family too (you know who you are!). Its hard for me to envision leaving them. I know that I HAVE to be at my brother's high school graduation a year from now. & I want to be able to see my family on Christmas. But those are just the [small] factors. There's a very large one weighing me down... and its the fact that my dad has cancer. I dont want to look back & regret leaving & not spending more time with him. But I also know that I need to move forward with my life.
So I've decided that I'm going to continue to give this some more thought and talk with my parents about it as well. Maybe they can give some comforting advice. But for what its worth- when I close my eyes & think about where I want to be a year from now... it's with A; whether its close to here or far from here... being with him will always be "home".

Fly

Sometimes I wish that I could migrate with birds & fly to A.

There's days that I miss him terribly & it brings me to reality how much I really cant wait till I'm with him. Spending vacation time with him a couple of weeks ago was definitely AMAZING... but it made me realize how well we work together & how good it feels to be with him all of the time.
I always tell myself that it's good that we are having this time apart & building a strong long distanced relationship... because when the time comes for him to be deployed- I'm going to be ready.

Introductions

Introductions of course (:

I'm 20 years old & I'm exploring life out on "my own".
I have an apartment in the city about 45 minutes away from home. Though I've learned quite a bit & I've gained a tremendous amount of independence... I'm ready to wrap up that life style.
I live in a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom (student living style) apartment with 3 4 other girls. One thing that I have learned about being a girl- NEVER live with your best friends! That just leads to disaster... I learned the hard way. I love the girls to death, but I'm not much of the "college partying type" if you may. I think I somehow skipped that phase in life & by the looks of it, I'm not missing out on much. I'm an artist. So naturally I spend a lot of time to myself creating ideas for different art pieces & relaxing in my room. I'm just so ready to be out of there... which brings me to the next part.
"A" (my sailor) and I have decided that we're going to live together after he graduates Power School. I know, I know, a bit soon. But I'm not completely diggin' this whole long-distanced thing. I mean it's fine for right now & even in the future when he's in the sub. But I just want to be able spend as much time with him as I can. So I'm going to be packing up & moving with him... all the way to New York (maybe somewhere else... but we have our fingers crossed for NY). The  point is, I'm really excited to be with him again, away from that apartment, and finally able to build a more secure future with him. (: You can read our Fairytale of how we met :D
I never thought that I'd be living the life of military girlfriend... & here I am- a Navy Sweetheart. (: It has certainly changed my life. I look at things differently than most people my age- which is why its so hard to connect with my roommates completely. I decided to blog about the adventures of A & I and of course the crazy moments leading up until the big move. I dont think that things will ever get boring. & if they seem like they ever do... its probably because I'm an artist- not a writer ;)